1.
Not only i'm experiencing a reading slump, i'm facing an even worse writing drought. Amidst this dry spell, the mere act of reading feels like climbing an insurmountable mountain, and every attempt at writing leaves me with the violent urge to bash my head on the wall.
I'm not coping well.
On the other hand, i have felt a surge to draw again. I took art class all throughout middle school, it was either i took art or music, and i'm specially awful at anything related to music, that's to say i wasn't any better at art and i'm in no means an artist, but my artistic abilities were passable compared to my musical talents (there are none).
Any way, i dug through the attic boxes and luckily was able to locate my old painting supplies. I have yet to try them. Sketching seems more manageable at the moment.
2.
January is the month that mastered the art of being too fleeting and too long simultaneously. I don't usually make new year resolutions, but sometimes FOMO wins and i end up making one - that i forget about as soon as i have them written down-in the end.
But for the sake of going somewhere with this, let me try to set some goals.
• Exercise: i'm aware that everyone finds the sudden motivations for gym at new years, and i'm also aware that i do need to exercise. I'm doing it, but i'm not going to run a marathon, and i'm not becoming a bodybuilder any day soon.
I work out for two reasons only; to protect my body from the negative aspects of having a desk job and to cater to my own vanity. Basically, i don't want to have the posture of a question mark, and well, nice toned legs to show off won't hurt anyone.
The thing is, i hate the gym, i absolutely hate it. And can't maintain a routine for the life of me. So, i stopped going. Life is too short to spend it doing things i hate and since i need this desk job to survive, the gym got to go. But then, what about back pain and those beautiful legs i want, you ask? At home workouts are what I'm currently experimenting with. I don't have to do intense or uncomfortable workouts, I just have to show up in a cute ponytail and lipstick and do a decent job. We will see how this works out (pun intended) for me.
• Last month or earlier this month -i'm not really sure, time perception is all time funky here-, i read an essay by Jenna Clare (check her work out, it’s amazing) about leaving social media, and that's what my goal for 2024 will be. Less Instagram and more hobbies.
• Healthy eating habits. I tend to eat moderately healthy, but i also tend to have periods of time when I don't care what i'm eating at all, and times when i obsess over that. The goal is to find that healthy balance before i spiral into something unhealthy.
• And for the final goal is to set time to read, to watch shows and movies more than wasting time on social media.
Note: might add more as the year progresses, might forget about the whole thing.
3.
No end to the grief, no end to the helplessness.
4.
As i was searching for my art supplies, i found my old copy of Les Misérables.
I was in middle school when i thought it would be a good idea to read Hugo’s famous work, then took it back as soon as i saw the cheer size of that novel. Too many French words in a way too small font for me to enjoy. I remember deciding to look for something else, since i was already at the library when i found Les Miserable in a comic style. I found only half the series, and while i look for the rest of it, i'm back again to reading French.
The language sounds so beautiful that i almost forgot what kind of atrocities the French committed in my country.
5.
The price of decolonization is always paid by the people demanding freedom, not by the people denying them that freedom.
6.
What about doing the dishes that sparks inspiration to write? What about doing mind-numbing activities spaced out that lets your mind wander and shift through different topics.
Earlier that day, i had a call with my friend, and then all i could think about while doing the dishes is how platonic love is never appreciated nor celebrated as much as romantic love.
Romantic love is always glorified in literature, art, and media, where platonic love is more often than not relegated to the sidelines. But why does this happen? Is it because it lacks that intoxicating allure and the thrill associated with romance? Or is it because platonic love is steady and unassuming, quietly anchoring us in times of need? Well, at least that’s how media depict it.
thanks for the shoutout my love!!!! 🥹🥹